their words actually were, they’d understand: They have permission not to say anything at all. It’s okay to say nothing. It’s good to say nothing. Saying nothing acknowledges the difficulty of the situation. Saying nothing says a lot: It says, “This is so difficult it leaves me speechless.” It shows solidarity with the person who is suffering. The suffering person doesn’t understand what’s going on and neither do you. At least you can have that in common. You can not understand, but together. But