obedience is exceedingly difficult to maintain. The reason is that the lives of most people around us are geared to a performance-reward system. If you meet or exceed expectations, performing well at work, then you are paid more and promoted higher. If you perform well in sports or music, you get the premier positions and greater acclaim. Many families function by offering or withholding affection based on how expectations are met—you are loved well if you do well. In all too many cases, what we