counselor went on to explain that Gary’s choosing adultery was his way of dealing with our problems. However, if we really wanted to heal, we would need to identify those problems and deal with them together, in a healthy way. I resisted. I didn’t want to look at and identify our issues as a couple. There was already so much pain in just dealing with the adultery. But I knew if we were going to heal completely, we would have to look at ourselves, at what “we” had become. We had to give each other