Sunday after Sunday I resolved to conquer lust, but the climate of shame and secrecy in my religious environment forced me to battle the beast alone. On those terms the battle was unwinnable. I occasionally attempted to communicate with others about what was really going on, but I always did so carefully, not wanting to ruin my chances of making the team. When it came to issues of sexuality, I spoke in code, veiling my questions with vague references to “temptation” or pretending to be bothered by