with surface behaviors or misbehaviors. To understand the child, you need to understand the feelings, conflicts, and crises from which the behavior has evolved. Many adults command the troubled child to “shape up” or “get your act together.” We are firm believers in rules, limit setting, and discipline, but we emphasize that children will be unable to “get their act together” until they can resolve some of the troubling issues that underlie their misbehavior. Similarly, many adults impatiently ship