maneuver as a saint within the rigid borders of the family. Although he may be struggling with depression or pornography, he correctly discerns that revealing these struggles would be far too costly. He defaults to presenting a perfect public self and elects to keep the painful and troubled dimensions of who he is beyond detection. The need a child feels to be “good” rather than honest creates a relational template that has ruined many marriages. How often has a spouse appeared kind, hardworking, even