My circumstance-triggered meltdown was at least in part because of idols of success, fame, and making a name for myself that had long been residing in my heart. Like hot water brings the tea out of a dry tea bag, the New York event became the context that exposed an ugly ambition in me. Somehow, I had come to believe that leading in a global city and pastoring thousands of people with Ivy League degrees and “important” jobs and household names were the things