On the surface, a lot of these things can seem like freedom. Maybe we get an adrenaline rush or a huge check or a year of life that feels totally self-gratifying. Later, though, we realize we brought confusion upon ourselves; we dug back into pain or we sought a shallow, destructive form of freedom. The kind of freedom we were seeking had to do merely with the moment and ourselves: no authority, no boundary lines, and no one to lean on who could continually hold us up, build into us, and protect