I Dare You Not to Bore Me with the Bible
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I Dare You Not to Bore Me with the Bible

Michael S. Heiser

I Dare You Not to Bore Me with the Bible

Copyright 2014 Lexham Press

Lexham Press, 1313 Commercial St., Bellingham, WA 98225 http://www.lexhampress.com

You may use brief quotations from this book in presentations, articles, and books. For all other uses, please write Lexham Press for permission. Email us at permissions@lexhampress.com.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (esv), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

ISBN 978-1-57799-539-5

Editor-in-Chief: John D. Barry

Managing Editor: Rebecca Van Noord

Copy Editors: Rebecca Brant, Elizabeth Vince, Lynnea Fraser, Elliot Ritzema

Cover Design: Jim LePage

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Part One: Old Testament

The Ancient’s Guide to the Galaxy

Walk Like an Israelite

Even the Bible Needed Upgrading

Spellchecking the Bible

Why Circumcision?

The Abandoned Child and the Basket Case

A Tale of Courage We Never Teach

Counting the Ten Commandments

Is There Really a Sin Offering?

There’s a Devil in the Details

Love Potion: Numbers 5

Is My Bible Right?

The Most Horrific Bible Story

Righting a Wrong

When Giants Walked the Earth

The Divine Arrow

Promise Undelivered?

Sanctified Dirt

1003 BC Census: Who Authorized It—God or Satan?

Cookin’ the Books

Slaying the Sea Monster

Does God Need a Co-Signer? The Witness in the Clouds

Who Wrote the Book of Proverbs?

Immanuel’s Mother: Virgin or Not?

Standing in the Council

Jeremiah: Double Vision?

Why the Ark of the Covenant Will Never Be Found

He, Him, Me, Myself, and I

Bizarre Visions for the Worst of Times

Do the Dead Sea Scrolls Answer the Canon Question?

Part Two: New Testament

Burying Hell

My Guardian Angel

The New Testament Misquotes the Old Testament?

“I Saw Satan Fall like Lightning”: When?

The Healing Serpent

Who Took Verse 4 out of My Bible?

What Walking on Water Really Means

Born Again … and Again and Again?

Dumbledore Meets Philip & Peter

Paul’s Lost Letters

Destiny & Destination

A Female Apostle

Signed, Sealed, and Delivered—to Satan?

Treason & Translation

Charlton Heston Had Company

When Abraham Met Jesus

How Many Times Is Jesus Coming Back?

What’s Jesus Waiting For?

God’s Right-Hand Woman? Wisdom in Hebrews

Baptism as Spiritual Warfare

Jesus Is God: Jude and Peter Tell Me So

When Angels Do Time

Tough Love

Jesus, God, a.k.a., The Name

666: What Theories Add Up?

Perspective Changes Everything

Constantine, Conspiracy, and the Canon

About the Author

Foreword

The Bible is accessible to everyone, but parts of it can be perplexing. It’s the “weird” and supposedly “boring” parts of the Bible that Dr. Michael S. Heiser addresses in this volume—all in an effort to make the Bible come alive for you again.

For many, Bible study means stilted religion or dull Sunday school classes. After reading this book, you won’t be bored by Bible study. It will explain Bible passages that have always confused you and show you ...

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About I Dare You Not to Bore Me with the Bible

The Bible is filled with passages that are so baffling we tend to ignore them. Yet the passages that seem weird might be the most important. This collection of essays from Bible Study Magazine will shock you, intrigue you, and completely change the way you view the Bible. Dr. Michael S. Heiser visits some of the Bible’s most obscure passages, unveiling their ancient context to help you interpret them today. Read this book, and you’ll never be bored by the Bible again.

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