WALKING

THROUGH

TWILIGHT

A WIFE’S ILLNESS—
A PHILOSOPHER’S LAMENT

DOUGLAS GROOTHUIS

FOREWORD BY NICHOLAS WOLTERSTORFF

Bitter-sweet
Ah, my dear angry Lord,
Since thou dost love, yet strike;
Cast down, yet help afford;
Sure I will do the like.
I will complain, yet praise;
I will bewail, approve;
And all my sour-sweet days
I will lament and love.

GEORGE HERBERT

CONTENTS

Foreword by Nicholas Wolterstorff

Introduction: Walking Through Twilight

1 Rage in a Psych Ward

2 The Year of Learning Things I Did Not Want to Know

3 Things Fall Apart

Interlude: The Mensa Card

4 It Is Eerie

5 Giving Up

Interlude: Sunny

6 The Temptation to Hate God

7 Learning to Lament

Interlude: My Worried Ear

8 Joy in Lament

9 Moses and Our Sadness

Interlude: The Red Book

10 Lamenting in the Classroom

11 Lamenting Online

Interlude: At the Museum

12 Technology Free

13 Learning to Lie to My Wife (as Little as Possible)

Interlude: Jesus Loves Me

14 Gallows Humor

15 Dogs, Dementia, and Us

16 Miss Becky and a Way of Speaking

Interlude: Snack and Scalp

17 Words Fail Us

18 My Escape into Meaning

Interlude: Becky as My Student

19 How Is Becky?

Interlude: Resting

Conclusion: From Twilight into Darkness

Acknowledgments

Appendix: Lightening the Load

Recommended Reading on Lament and Grief

Notes

Praise for Walking Through Twilight

About the Author

More Titles from InterVarsity Press

Copyright

Foreword

NICHOLAS WOLTERSTORFF

BECKY, THE WIFE OF THE AUTHOR of this volume, was extraordinarily gifted with words. The gift began to fail her. She was diagnosed as suffering from primary progressive aphasia, a form of dementia that has, as one of its primary signs of mental deterioration, the inability of the person to find words to say what she wants to say. Walking Through Twilight is the author’s lament for the wide and deep losses that this ravaging disease has wreaked in his life and that of his wife. He does not wallow in the horror of the disease, but neither does he gloss over it or look away. He does not flinch from the painful reality.

Walking Through Twilight is more, however, than an unfailingly honest lament over loss. Interspersed with Groothuis’s lament is a series of meditations, evoked by observing the nature and course of the disease, and his response and that of others, whose aim is to understand something of the hand of God in this valley of suffering and to discern how to live lovingly and faithfully in this shadowy place.

Groothuis is a philosopher and theologian, steeped in Scripture. So the meditations are, as one would expect, philosophical and theological in their overall character, and rich—incredibly rich—in their incorporation of passages from Scripture, especially from the wisdom literature of the Old Testament. But the meditations are never abstract. In each instance they are tied to the author’s observation of his wife’s suffering, and his response and that of others. The image that comes to mind is that of a cord on which beads are strung—beads of reflection strung ...

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About Walking Through Twilight: A Wife's Illness—A Philosopher's Lament

How do you continue to find God as dementia pulls your loved one into the darkness?Nothing is simple for a person suffering from dementia, and for those they love. When ordinary tasks of communication, such as using a phone, become complex, then difficult, and then impossible, isolation becomes inevitable. Helping becomes excruciating.In these pages philosopher Douglas Groothuis offers a window into his experience of caring for his wife as a rare form of dementia ravages her once-brilliant mind and eliminates her once-stellar verbal acuity. Mixing personal narrative with spiritual insight, he captures moments of lament as well as philosophical and theological reflection. Brief interludes provide poignant pictures of life inside the Groothuis household, and we meet a parade of caregivers, including a very skilled companion dog. Losses for both Doug and Becky come daily, and his questions for God multiply as he navigates the descending darkness. Here is a frank exploration of how one continues to find God in the twilight.

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